I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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