Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
