Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
