i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I deserve this hangover.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
