I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
