Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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