OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize