1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
