Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
