Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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