I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
