I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
