Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
