she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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