its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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