why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
