Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
