Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Sober January is a disaster.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
