Someone shit on the floor
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
sex in a hospital.. check
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
