I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize