Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
