32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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