I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
