I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
