Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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