Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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