I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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