You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
