i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
