Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
