the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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