it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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