We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
