my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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