So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
