Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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