Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
