i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
