i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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