the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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