Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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