my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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