he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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