dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
