Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
