Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
