haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
