Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
