I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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