woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
