someone get that fucking seahorse.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
