So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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