you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
