I like my sex mixed with concussions.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
