Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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