so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
