hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
