Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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