I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
