I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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