My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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