i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
