yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
