Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
