I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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