im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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